A piece for emotionally bankrupt
Writing, as most of us know (for that matter even the average guy), requires aptness and extensive research.
For instance collecting microbe samples from cow dung; assessing stool patterns to determine the presence of occult parasites; conducting mixed-method research i.e., qualitative and quantitative phase, on mating cycle of dogs; calculating profit and loss, involving abacus, in owning a dance bar or anything that has bar at the end e.g., Milkybar, sambar, iron bar, Mahesh bar, sidebar etc.
Ok. Not funny.
However, at times, writing turns into all the more complicated situation then the mid-life crisis period, where usually, people of middle age group (particularly in mid-20s) lose self-confidence, choosing instead to indulge in hallucination and cause severe economic imbalance in the society, thus, dipping per-capita income to all time low, from, say, Rs.1 lakh to Rs.5 [citation necessarily not necessary].
Not only this, there comes a time in everybody’s life (yeah, even you), when, one wishes to indite one’s wisdom into expressions but words begin to degenerate just like bubbles wanes into nothingness.
Precisely, these are the moments in life, when, one is left alone at a deserted crossroad, without the sense of direction, and compelling one to doubt upon inner self and jump repeatedly.
But, a true writer never ever succumbs to challenges in life.
“Victorious are those, who climb higher and higher till they lose balance and fall headlong, fracturing 206 bones and all,” famous French philanthropist, poet, painter, dish washer, chef, philosopher, haute couture designer Édouard Gustave Pascal could have said.
WHAT??
Ok, jokes apart, I would wish to put few rambling words into somber accounts. Now, seriously, if you have a thing called p-a-t-i-e-n-c-e in you, jack up your eyelids with match stick and read below.
Based on real discoveries**, I present to you some of world’s wacky inventions.
No, really! There are hordes of gizmos that are utterly useless in a civilized society like ours. For instance, inventions of scream silencer, moustache guard, cockroach swatting slippers, detachable wiper on eyeglasses, chin holder aka chin up stand aka chindogu and so forth are all crappy (in layman’s tongue), isn’t it?
I. Scream Silencer: “Are you kidding me?” you would probably say, but, yes! There was this couple from California, Moira and Frank Figone, who (hahahaha…please don’t give me that this-guy-is going-nuts-and-I-am-going-to-kill-him looks, I get nasal allergic), created this face-tube apparatus to facilitate procurers to scream without annoying others, thereby, allowing them to vent anger and frustration compressed inside.
Well, if I could buy one, I would rather use it for spitting pan, and still not feel guilty. Never mind.
II. Moustache Guard: What?? Yeah, you read it right. The great Mustache Guard (MG). Literally, the inventor – C. Miller – came up with this groundbreaking and sky-tearing idea to prevent moustaches from getting moistened while sipping beer (I am sure it was for meant for beer only, hehe).
The gadget, a semicircumference in shape (shaped-to-fit), with strings attached, is clamped to each horn of the mustache, keeping it away from any slurry liquid. (Easy! Easy! You don’t need lift your arse from your seat and rush to place order!! The stocks, I am telling you, would last till you celebrate your 210th birthday).
“It can be worn to bed as well, if nobody objects,” said the proud inventor, as he adjusted the strings attached.
It’s not that am jealous of this device (as I don’t sport long beard), but, if I happen to come across this device, I swear, I would honestly have that repulsive sensation and desire to smash things that comes my way, particularly the MG.
III. Cockroach Swatting Slippers: This invention, as far as I know, is not intended for Naga people. Hahaha… I am just kidding! I can’t be that serious type, can I?
NEXT!!
IV. Eyeglasses with Wipers: I remember once Govindaji sported this infamous eyeglass in his fourfold flopped movie the “Gambler.”
An assortment of technology must have been pressed in making this visual device, I’m still thinking.
ILLUSTRATION: A clip-on wiper is attached to eyeglasses to prevent the buildup of raindrops, dust or any alien object. A battery pack, envisioned consisting of AAA batteries, supplies power to a two-speed motor, via a control switch.
BONUS: It also has the capabilities of measuring temperature, wind speed, humidity levels, decibel levels, luminosity levels and the like.
“The motor then drives a reciprocating mechanical linkage, which moves two small wiper blades across the surface of the lenses,” claimed the arrogant architect, even as he puffed the Cuban cigar and peeked through the glass. Lolzzzz!! Ok, hold on! What was that “lolzzzzz” thing? Does it mean you are laughing out loud and snoring simultaneously?
Ladies! Please do away with this SMS lingo.
V. Chin-up stand aka chin holder aka chindogu
Too lazy to even lift your face?? Here’s an odd self-administered apparatus for extremely bored.
As though there was nothing worthy left to invent, a Japanese nerd – Kenji Kawakami – came up with this tool i.e. Chin-up stand aka chin holder aka chindogu – which, I am guessing, can instantly nod off anybody or at least me.
This radical devise is comprised of two main components, the upper part grip with chin rest and the lower part with pendulum like swinging shaft, making it easier for users to position it as they desire.
In the words of Kawakami, the chindogu, it seems, is “unuseless” devise.
By “unuseless”, I am sure he was trying to confuse people, a lot of people, as I did to you.
**Long pause**
(Maneuvers head around)
Ohkay! I am outta here, before I get lynched by violent mob.
(WARNING: Usage results of all the above mentioned products may vary from person to person though).
For instance collecting microbe samples from cow dung; assessing stool patterns to determine the presence of occult parasites; conducting mixed-method research i.e., qualitative and quantitative phase, on mating cycle of dogs; calculating profit and loss, involving abacus, in owning a dance bar or anything that has bar at the end e.g., Milkybar, sambar, iron bar, Mahesh bar, sidebar etc.
Ok. Not funny.
However, at times, writing turns into all the more complicated situation then the mid-life crisis period, where usually, people of middle age group (particularly in mid-20s) lose self-confidence, choosing instead to indulge in hallucination and cause severe economic imbalance in the society, thus, dipping per-capita income to all time low, from, say, Rs.1 lakh to Rs.5 [citation necessarily not necessary].
Not only this, there comes a time in everybody’s life (yeah, even you), when, one wishes to indite one’s wisdom into expressions but words begin to degenerate just like bubbles wanes into nothingness.
Precisely, these are the moments in life, when, one is left alone at a deserted crossroad, without the sense of direction, and compelling one to doubt upon inner self and jump repeatedly.
But, a true writer never ever succumbs to challenges in life.
“Victorious are those, who climb higher and higher till they lose balance and fall headlong, fracturing 206 bones and all,” famous French philanthropist, poet, painter, dish washer, chef, philosopher, haute couture designer Édouard Gustave Pascal could have said.
WHAT??
Ok, jokes apart, I would wish to put few rambling words into somber accounts. Now, seriously, if you have a thing called p-a-t-i-e-n-c-e in you, jack up your eyelids with match stick and read below.
Based on real discoveries**, I present to you some of world’s wacky inventions.
No, really! There are hordes of gizmos that are utterly useless in a civilized society like ours. For instance, inventions of scream silencer, moustache guard, cockroach swatting slippers, detachable wiper on eyeglasses, chin holder aka chin up stand aka chindogu and so forth are all crappy (in layman’s tongue), isn’t it?
I. Scream Silencer: “Are you kidding me?” you would probably say, but, yes! There was this couple from California, Moira and Frank Figone, who (hahahaha…please don’t give me that this-guy-is going-nuts-and-I-am-going-to-kill-him looks, I get nasal allergic), created this face-tube apparatus to facilitate procurers to scream without annoying others, thereby, allowing them to vent anger and frustration compressed inside.
Well, if I could buy one, I would rather use it for spitting pan, and still not feel guilty. Never mind.
II. Moustache Guard: What?? Yeah, you read it right. The great Mustache Guard (MG). Literally, the inventor – C. Miller – came up with this groundbreaking and sky-tearing idea to prevent moustaches from getting moistened while sipping beer (I am sure it was for meant for beer only, hehe).
The gadget, a semicircumference in shape (shaped-to-fit), with strings attached, is clamped to each horn of the mustache, keeping it away from any slurry liquid. (Easy! Easy! You don’t need lift your arse from your seat and rush to place order!! The stocks, I am telling you, would last till you celebrate your 210th birthday).
“It can be worn to bed as well, if nobody objects,” said the proud inventor, as he adjusted the strings attached.
It’s not that am jealous of this device (as I don’t sport long beard), but, if I happen to come across this device, I swear, I would honestly have that repulsive sensation and desire to smash things that comes my way, particularly the MG.
III. Cockroach Swatting Slippers: This invention, as far as I know, is not intended for Naga people. Hahaha… I am just kidding! I can’t be that serious type, can I?
NEXT!!
IV. Eyeglasses with Wipers: I remember once Govindaji sported this infamous eyeglass in his fourfold flopped movie the “Gambler.”
An assortment of technology must have been pressed in making this visual device, I’m still thinking.
ILLUSTRATION: A clip-on wiper is attached to eyeglasses to prevent the buildup of raindrops, dust or any alien object. A battery pack, envisioned consisting of AAA batteries, supplies power to a two-speed motor, via a control switch.
BONUS: It also has the capabilities of measuring temperature, wind speed, humidity levels, decibel levels, luminosity levels and the like.
“The motor then drives a reciprocating mechanical linkage, which moves two small wiper blades across the surface of the lenses,” claimed the arrogant architect, even as he puffed the Cuban cigar and peeked through the glass. Lolzzzz!! Ok, hold on! What was that “lolzzzzz” thing? Does it mean you are laughing out loud and snoring simultaneously?
Ladies! Please do away with this SMS lingo.
V. Chin-up stand aka chin holder aka chindogu
Too lazy to even lift your face?? Here’s an odd self-administered apparatus for extremely bored.
As though there was nothing worthy left to invent, a Japanese nerd – Kenji Kawakami – came up with this tool i.e. Chin-up stand aka chin holder aka chindogu – which, I am guessing, can instantly nod off anybody or at least me.
This radical devise is comprised of two main components, the upper part grip with chin rest and the lower part with pendulum like swinging shaft, making it easier for users to position it as they desire.
In the words of Kawakami, the chindogu, it seems, is “unuseless” devise.
By “unuseless”, I am sure he was trying to confuse people, a lot of people, as I did to you.
**Long pause**
(Maneuvers head around)
Ohkay! I am outta here, before I get lynched by violent mob.
(WARNING: Usage results of all the above mentioned products may vary from person to person though).
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